Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
