I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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