wanna go halves on a baby?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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