Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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