First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
