seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
