i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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