I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
