i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
