she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
