i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
