Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
