do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
