were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
