just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
COCAINE IS GR8
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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