Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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