sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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