This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
