When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
