Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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