using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
