I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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