hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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