winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
