i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
