What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
