I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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