Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
