Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
