took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize