you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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