with your own penis?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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