ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my shit smells like andre
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
