my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
