I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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