I wanna bring you to show and tell
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
