Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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