I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
