worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
