you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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