I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
