Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
