she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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