I just made out with a guy for $7.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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