He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
