after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I intend to get homeless drunk
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
