yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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