I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The adults are the big ones right?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
