Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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