Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The power of my boobs compel you
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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