I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
