Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
