YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
