I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
