New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
