dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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