What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
