I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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