you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
