We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
