So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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