i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
