I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
they're like a gay fantastic four
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
