he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
