i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
