He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
