i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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