just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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