I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
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I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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